SewNews

My girls have entered the world of Dragons and the balance of good and evil.   They have fought every battle with Jack Sparrow and Will Turner.  They have been brave enough to face the snake in Harry Potter, and helped Froto to destroy the ring.  Today, there is a real battle to fight.  We must all sharpen our swords and prepare ourselves for the battle of a life.  Nine years ago, a little nine year old girl was diagnosed with a brain tumor.  Doctors thinking they were doing what was right, took away half of her brain and in the process took away that sweet little nine year old girl that everyone loved.  For the past nine years there has been more treatment and lots of pain for her and her parents.  2 weeks ago they found out that their sweet little innocent 18 year old once again had cancer, but this time it has attacked her spine.  In the past 2 weeks she has went from a young girl excitedly planning what she would wear to prom and anxiously waiting for graduation to a warrior wounded and laying helpless on the battlefield, while her parents, friends and families stand by with wrists bound unable to help.  Watching her as her strength weakens and slowly the light that has shone upon them for the last 18 years fades for the last time. 

     Aliya says, “But she’s not grown yet.”  Not understanding that you don’t have to be old to die.  I can only hope that if some miracle will happen it will happen fast, and if not may she go swiftly with little pain, and float away with the singing of angels.  May her family find peace and finally mourn for the little girl they lost 9 years ago, and have closure for the fight that cannot be won.  Her poor father spinning in circles unable to focus on anything.  For the past 9 years he has stayed by her side, and fought right along side of her, and now when there is no hope he grasps for sunbeams or rainbows, anything that could change the course that life has handed him.  Anything that would save his little girl.  I can only stand by and watch helplessly, hoping to pick up the pieces, searching for the right words that will bring peace and comfort, and instead finding anger and grief. 

Tonight I can only think of their family and hope they can find peace and that God will help them through this, as he has helped others.  Please God show mercy upon them.  Release them from their pain, have mercy on the innocent child.

14 years ago today I buried my only son.  With him I buried a certain part of me.   At the time I thought I buried all my hopes and dreams.  But come to find out it was only the ones that centered around him.  I also lost part of my innocence.  The bliss of being young and thinking death only happens to the older.  I’ve become more cynical, less artistic.  All it takes is to see anothers pain to bring tears to my own eyes.  I have to fight to not cry over the craziest things.   Movies, people I don’t even know, obituaries, and sometimes the news.  It takes a lot more to make me smile and even more to laugh.  Don’t get me wrong I love my 4 girls, and I wouldn’t trade them for any boy.  I can’t imagine my life without them.  They bring me so much joy and happiness, but I still wonder what it would be like to have my son.  My 14 year old.  I read about 14 year old boys in the paper convicted of burgalary, property damage, rape, murder, occassionally you read of something good, but not often enough.  Last week a 14 year old at the boys home wanted a guitar for christmas and a couple of pair of jeans.  I wanted to go a get him and get to know him.  I could give him so much more.  Love, kindness, has he ever had that.  A real family….  So maybe theres something wrong with me.  Maybe I dwell to much in the past, maybe I just feel sorry for myself.  I don’t know.  I’m not a psychologist and its a little hard to evaluate myself.  I know the pain doesn’t go away, you get used to it but it doesn’t go away. 

I love you Brandon, I miss you.

I could sit outside all day and watch the clouds go by.  I used to paint when I was in school and it always amazed me that the things that took God seconds to create takes man Hours to recreate….sometimes Years….

Recently I was asked if I write….  My answer I don’t have time. ….

The truth be told I write constantly, just always in my head.  Very few things ever make it to the written form that can be read by others.   I’m not sure that any of my thoughts deserve the audience of others.  Mostly I make promises to myself of things that I want to do and things I want to change and somehow I always find an excuse not too.  I know what I want to do and what I should do, but putting that plan in action is a far different story.  So now I will make a promise or maybe just a plan to sit down every week and write about something…..

With the weather and the kids being sick, I haven’t had much time for sewing.  So I took out my camera and played a little instead.

 This house is probably 3/4 of a mile from the house.  I wanted to see how good of a picture I could take from my back porch.

This was a drop on the branch of the dogwood tree that had started to melt and refroze before it could drip. 

 Our puppy cocoa, still looking more like an overgrown chew toy than a real dog!!!!!

This is Hamburger in the background, Cash is the little red and white, and Black Friday the black and white one in front.   Hence named for what they will be except for Black Friday who was born on guess what day!!!!

The machines are in….  Today was a busy day of installation.  Well, for me it was hauling the cardboard and pallets to the back after the Hp reps finished unloading them.  I don’t really like the way they left them but I have to order more parts in order to spread them out. 

The kids are all sick so I haven’t been out to sew for a while.  Sorry you have to put up with other news.  Gary took Aliya to the doctor today, after 2 days of fever over 101.  Common cold is their only diagnosis.  More snow for tomorrow.  I’m ready for spring.  I may have to go hunting for a certain groundhog!!!!!!

No, i’m not clearing my throat!!!

Had Anna to the ER tonight.  Just got home.  High fever, cough, sore throat….  sound like anything you know.  Well, the docs don’t know either.  They sent her home with the old fashioned recipe of plenty of rest, fluids and ibuprofen.  Gotta love that 4 hour wait.  Half way their she started crying and begging me to take her back home.  Boy did I feel like a heel.  But, its amazing to me how their little peak’ed faces suddenly perk up when a doc or nurse act interested in them, and before the 4 hours are up they are chatting like they haven’t been sick a day in their life.  The nurses are looking at you like you are a psyche patient and are about ready to take you in for evaluation yourself if you don’t hurry and sign those papers and get out the door.  Hopefully the miracle cure will work.  LOL .  It worked for me!

Victory is bittersweet.   My manager decided to take all credit for where I wanted the machines.  I fought, I reasoned, I even made a list of pros and cons, went to another store on my own time and took pictures but she took the credit.  Oh well, at least it will be beneficial to the lab.   Actually that doesn’t bother me near as bad as the last idea that she took from me.  Which has since went to store wide and is a great program and makes everything easier.  But that was her idea too.  I don’t care so much as to not having the credit except when it comes time for my evaluation and I only exceed.  I’m not a role model…..  I haven’t been in my current position long enough to be role model.  Yuck!!!!  Well I really hope no one reads this post as I’m afraid I am being very negative.   I do like my job.   So thats the great part, whats even greater is that everyone seems to like me.   Everyone is getting along better (at least in the daytime when I’m there.)  I usually get at least one call a day on the weekends, but I can deal with that.  Yesterday I made the comment that I would like to apply for the overnight support manager position, and 2 people told me that they would quit if I left the dept.  Then they caught me with my arms in the dark box and made me promise that I would never leave or well, I best not complete the threat as it would have been very embarrasing to me!!!!  I hate the dark box.  LOL

Remodel- how I hate those words.  At Wal-Mart the description of a remodel would be when management comes and asks your opinion then does it their way, then comes back and blames you for everthing that goes wrong.  Ha Ha.  If only I was only joking.  We are remodeling the lab, getting some new equipment.  I want it on one side of the lab and they want it on another.  Who will win????